HORNS FOR UNICORNS

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sachsen: afrobrain

l. claret: water lighter

94. The Tragedy of Dog

As the infinite permutations of the wise and the silly would have it, he was born with the most brilliant brain possible.  He was also born as a dog and therein lay the tragedy.  How could he express all the great thoughts that came to his mind being just a dog?  Certainly, there were many visibly worthwhile things the dog could do, like running after moving objects or licking himself or transporting interesting microbes.  But as far as expression in the public arena, the options available to this dog were limited mainly to barking with varying degrees of intensity.  It was difficult for him to let the world in on all the amazing thoughts that ran through his mind.  And this made him so frustrated - he spent much of his time making sexual advances towards the legs of humans - a sad thing to watch as there was so very little reciprocation. 

almacan: the end of flightzone

55. The Best Actress in the World

She was the best actress in the world - the star of the silver screen - the sun of the golden stage.  She was so exact, so convincing in disappearing into her characters that the imaginary world she created became more precise and real than the real world she lived in.  And eventually the regular world had no reason to continue existing at all - it was just a shallow reflection of the rich realities conjured up by her performances.

pic: the gates

75. The Meaning of Life

It wasn't something he expected to happen on such a dreary drizzly day, but he did, in fact, come to understand the meaning of life.  And it wasn't one of those drunken enlightenments.  It wasn't some intellectual compromise with the untiring forces that just like to beat you down.  No, this was the real thing.  The lock and the key.  The meaning of life! 

the unsinkable

a woman always wore a small boat on her head.  name of the boat - "The Unsinkable"...

olbinski: iron man

115. Why We Need Bodies

It has always puzzled her why we need bodies.  It just makes so little sense.  They are so imperfect, so smelly!  If a body was like other things she bought in stores, she'd long since return hers for its constant breakdowns and generally never doing anything like it was supposed to! 

george grie: voluntary incarceration

106: The Vagabond Artist and the Maid

There are many interesting things he found under the pillows in the course of his travels.  Some times it was a block of pink cement that proved conclusively the existence of unintelligent life on the third star to the right.  Other times, it was a pair of the greenest eyes that let him see all the other creatures that inhabited his space – explaining finally the sudden appearance of many an unwelcome odor.

luke: scrambled eggs

99. Hammering Monkeys

They were hammering away for three straight days until he understood what they were making.  It was an enormous hammer, the size of the oldest and tallest sequoia!  And once the monkeys were done, they coated themselves with glue from the blue mussels and stuck to each other in the shape of a giant hand!  And then this Hand of Monkeys grabbed the Enormous Hammer and started banging on everything around.  They hit the fields of wheat, the mountains of melting snow, the skyscapers full of people, the barges carrying skin for plastic surgery.  The monkeys beat up on everything there was, destroying all completely with the terrible Hammer.  When they were done, the world looked kind of like mashed potatoes.  Only not so nicely colored. 

pic: white black

90. The Start of Fire

There is a sea below the sea.  And below that sea is a boundless white lake.  And below the white lake, in a hut made of glowing rubies, lives a young man.  And below the young man lies a young woman, his eternal bride.  And he is always inside her, making her feel the most amazing pleasure.  And she is always screaming the joys of her body and soul.  And these screams reach up past the ruby house and the white lake and the two seas.  And they enter our ears, but very softly as it's such a long way to go from so far below.  And when we hear these soft whisperings of the most profound joy, we think it is just the grass rustling or the ocean waving or the distant roar of all our engines.  And only some of us can pick out the woman moaning from the noise of the world.  And those of us are destroyed as their bodies explode with unquenchable fires.  We call these people “matches.”

olbinski: elektra

86. Loved by Lightning

Boy, was he loved by lighting!  It started when he was still in the womb and lightning hit his mother’s belly and ripped it open.  He crawled out of the mom’s charred remains and winked at the dark sky, ready for a life of fire!

pic: noir de monde

82. He Ate Art

There is a grey room inside a grey tree and there on a grey chair sat a grey man.  And he dreamed of green.  And he dreamed of blue.  But mostly he dreamed of eating art. 

He was once outside, traveling through the great cities of the world, eating their art with his girlfriend, a spicy sausage herself.  He liked all periods, but his favorite was cubism.  It was like eating a burrito with the most atomic hot sauce.  Gave him an upset stomach some times - but the heavenly pleasure of a first bite into a priceless masterpiece made any pain so worth it!  And the sex on the work of some medieval genius made them both so hungry!  They ate those paintings up in seconds!  It was a life to dream of.  Which is all he did dream of now that he was locked in the grey room inside the grey tree...