Boy, was he loved by lighting! It started when he was still in the womb and lightning hit his mother’s belly and ripped it open. He crawled out of the mom’s charred remains and winked at the dark sky, ready for a life of fire!
When he was eleven and saw his first girl and sent her air smooches all through biology class, lightning hit him right in the pants! He survived the hit and became a reknowned lover – unfortunately, not with the girl who caught his eye as she was trampled in the mad escape rush of scared honors students.
When he was twenty two, he was running through a field, naked, having great pains from all the diseases he had caught. It was a sunny day, but there it came - a beautiful discharge of electricity straight at his bum! It hurt a bit as he lost a nail on his big toe, but after this strike, he found God. He became a model of contentment, a friend to all and got a tatoo of lightning going across his chest right down into his nether regions.
For the next two dozen years, he was hit from the sky on at least five occasions, all turning points in his life that led to him founding his own religion, then helping pass legislation prohibiting the oppressive use of floors and ceilings in buildings, then giving it all up to run a rare mosquito gallery in the tundra.
When he was forty six, the lightning hit him again when he was trying to chop off the head of a mountain stream trout that turned out to be a talking King of the Forest in the moments before the lightning came and walloped them both. The talking fish got fried, while our guy lost all his hair, even on the ears.
For the next thirty years, he lived quietly as the King of the Forest, filling in for the dead trout. It was a peaceful life of meaning, but recently he remembered his first love from when he was eleven and doubts crept in. Maybe it wasn't that there was someone up above who loved him and tried to guide his life through lovebolts of lightning - as he's been telling himself secretly all these miraculous years, while carrying with him a small pitcher of water for protection. Maybe someone was just trying to keep him lonely! For fun. Or for no reason at all.
So in the dark of one night, he went out to a clear meadow and faced the stars with a silent question and a loaded gun at his temple. You can try to guess the content of his question by the immediate reaction from above - a spectacular bolt of lightning piercing the blackness and incinerating him completely! All that remained at the spot where he was standing was a small beetle with a design on its back that very much looked like a strike of lightning. The beetle puttered around for a bit and then suddenly seemed to concentrate and shot out an amazing bolt of lightning right back into the sky!
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